Stepmomming

A Look Behind: Stepmomming

As a stepmom, I’ve had to learn how to define my role on my own. There are few resources available, and everyone seems to have a different opinion about how a stepmom—or bonus mom—should show up. I try to block out the noise while remaining a consistent, loving, and supportive presence for my husband and stepson.

I hope my non-judgmental attitude, fun-loving spirit, and natural curiosity—which may show up differently than his biological parents—help my stepson feel brave, independent, and powerful, like the boys on the swing.

At times, between schedule changes and not having a real say in decisions that impact me, or being told how to show up by people whose values don’t align with mine, I feel like a wilted flower desperately trying to find the sun.

When I first moved in with my husband and stepson, the little guy always wanted to make my coffee on the weekends. I found the gesture so loving. It bonded us, as I sipped and stayed curious about how he was doing and what he was feeling about all the changes his dad and I were bringing into his life.

Now, he’s started helping me in the kitchen and, along with coffee, enjoys making me eggs on weekend mornings. Even when the skies feel unsettled as we blend as a family, I try to find a silver lining—or a glimmer of light shining through the clouds.

I’m so grateful for my dog, because sometimes, when big feelings strike, my little fur baby knows just how to lift me up.

While I didn’t give birth to this child, he is a part of me.

How has motherhood shaped (or reshaped) the way you tap into your creativity?

My stepson has opened my eyes to so many experiences that I never would have participated in if he wasn’t in my life. I get to see mundane things in a new way. As a journalist and observer of society, it’s renewed my curiosity and allowed me to dig deeper or see things in a fresh way. That only leads to more creative and critical thinking.

What unexpected moments or connections fuel your inspiration when you need it most?

As a stepmom, I constantly remind myself that I am not my stepson’s biological parents, I don’t have any legal rights or decision making power and society sees most of us as the evil Disney stepmother. So, when my stepson, out of the blue, asks me for a hug, thanks me for something, tells me he loves me, asks for my advice or tells me he doesn’t care about society and sees me as a bonus parent - my heart melts and explodes. Our conversations leave me in awe of his emotional intelligence and capacity to love. I appreciate him so much for accepting me, seeing me and loving me. He makes me want to be better in everything I do.